I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I still have a little drunk in my system
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
