I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
