Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
