the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
