party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
