dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
