Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
