I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
