I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
