i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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