Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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