I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
