I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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