There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
