maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had sex on a roof
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
