i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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