So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize