Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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