I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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