just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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