I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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