oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
