It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
