A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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