He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize