Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
