something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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