Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
