This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
