Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
