There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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