Old men and throwing up are my life now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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