I can text with my tongue
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
