You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
