why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
