Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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