now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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