Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
do nipples grow back?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
