found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
