Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
