Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
