Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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