i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
