Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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