my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
