i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
