she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Enjoy the penises
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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