everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
