I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
