Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
