I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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