Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
