So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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