Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
