she smelled like a LAN party
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
