I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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