they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize