You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
