hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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