actually, I'm a sock model
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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