Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
