I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize