mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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