dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
