it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
